Supporting employees through domestic abuse and motherhood: what employers need to know
By Dr Arabella Ashfield PhD – Executive coach and director of Ascending Motherhood and Ashleigh Hitter – Hestia’s Everyone’s Business Team Trainer
You may not have considered the intersection of the motherhood journey and the impact of domestic abuse in your organisation. However, 30% of all domestic abuse starts in pregnancy, rising to 40% in the period from pregnancy until baby’s second birthday.
Pregnancy, birth, and early motherhood is one of life's most significant transitions which, for many, runs parallel to a changing relationship with work and a career. Combine these dual transitions with experiencing domestic abuse, and the role of the employer presents an opportunity to safeguard and support parent staff at what could be a critical time.
What is domestic abuse and how does it intersect with pregnancy, maternity leave and returning to work?
Domestic abuse is a global issue that seeps into and spreads across all communities. Without knowing, it is likely a colleague, friend or family member has been affected by domestic abuse. In the last year the Office of National Statistics reported that over 3.8million people experienced domestic abuse in England and Wales.
Regardless of age, gender, socio-economic status, religion, ethnicity, sexual orientation; anyone can be a victim/survivor and anyone can be a perpetrator. Despite there being no boundaries to domestic abuse there is an outdated and unhelpful stigma and damaging shame attached to disclosing domestic abuse. The onus is put on survivors to leave (if they want to do so), uproot their lives and rebuild it rather than perpetrators being held to account.
Perpetrators of domestic abuse dominate their partners, ex-partners or family members by creating a power imbalance, which is slow and insidious and leaves survivors questioning their everyday activities and affects their decision making. At worst it can result in death.
There are many ways a perpetrator can cause harm from using technology, economic abuse, stalking, emotional, psychological, verbal and physical abuse. Coercive control is the thread that weaves through all domestic abuse and some of those tactics can include:
· Isolating someone from their friends and family
· Monitoring their movements, devices and finances
· Controlling their everyday existence
· Using threats or intimidation
Domestic abuse and pregnancy aren’t separate issues, they are intrinsically and alarmingly linked. Perpetrators may feel a loss over their partner’s body and choices. There are more professionals involved with the family and the perpetrator may have worked hard to isolate the victim-survivor. Being on maternity leave can further isolate the victim-survivor and work may be a place where they feel safe and can be themselves.
Returning to work in itself can bring about feelings of uncertainty and doubt yet good planning and communication can support the process. Furthermore, the use of keeping-in-touch days (KIT days) can provide reassurance for the employee and guidance for the manager. These touch points help maintain work relationships but can also highlight changes in an employee’s demeanour, circumstances or behaviour. Managers, seeing staff less frequently than friends or family, may notice shifts that others overlook. Providing support at these moments could significantly impact someone experiencing domestic abuse.
What are some of the signs of domestic abuse and how should support mechanisms be established if you are concerned about a colleague or have received a disclosure?
Domestic abuse often manifests through subtle behavioural changes. Look for patterns which may include increased anxiety, withdrawal, missed deadlines, or excessive concern about leaving work on time. Constant phone monitoring or reluctance to take annual leave can also be indicators. This is not an exhaustive list, and everyone’s experience of domestic abuse will be different.
These signs may overlap with pregnancy-related stress, making recognition challenging, however noticing changes and checking-in may help an individual whether they are experiencing domestic abuse or a potential maternal mental health problem. As a manager, team leader or HR professional, it is important you are equipped if you receive a disclosure of domestic abuse. Having knowledge around domestic abuse and being able to listen non-judgementally, whilst knowing what support is available internally and externally is extremely valuable.
What measures must an organisation implement to effectively begin supporting employees and addressing domestic abuse?
Embedding a pro-active, safe workplace culture that integrates domestic abuse considerations into existing maternity and wellbeing policies is key. Ask yourself, do you have a policy in place? It forms the foundation of your entire response; it shows colleagues that you care about their wellbeing and outlines what support is available. If you have a policy, it is important that it is up to date and people are aware of it.
Talking about domestic abuse should be an ongoing conversation; integrating conversations around domestic abuse and support available into inductions, maternity and parental meetings, return-to-work meetings and check-ins with colleagues demonstrates a holistic approach to supporting staff.
Employers not only have a duty of care, they also have an opportunity to put mechanisms in place to support their colleagues. A believing and supportive work culture is fundamental. It is created by a top-down and bottom-up approach of care, listening, adapting and respect. Has your organisation considered the intersection of the motherhood journey and the impact of domestic abuse in your role/organisation and the compounding impact of them both? Posing this question will allow you to start the process of considering what is needed.
Key take aways
· The compounding impact of both transitioning back to work after maternity or shared parental leave and experiencing domestic abuse is a difficult and complex set of circumstances to navigate for employers.
· HR professionals and managers are well positioned to support and provide guidance when equipped with the necessary knowledge and resources.
· Open conversations about return-to-work planning, role clarity and work life balance will aid the transition back to work and foster a supportive relationship to help with domestic abuse concerns or disclosures.
· There will be victim-survivors in your workplace. Asking how they would be supported if they disclosed domestic abuse during pregnancy or in the return-to-work journey is a stark but good question to pose when initiating an assessment of how and what development is needed in an organisation.
· Providing reputable advice and empathetic support for any employee issues will always stand a business is good stead.
Where to find help
If you have been affected by reading this blog, please reach out to a support service or your employer if you feel able to. You are not alone.
Hestia’s Respond to Abuse Advice Line is a free and confidential service for UK employers who want to support employees affected by domestic abuse.
Call 0203 879 3695 Email Adviceline.EB@hestia.org Open Monday–Friday, 9am–5pm (excluding bank holidays).
National Domestic Abuse Helpline 0808 2000 247 | nationaldahelpline.org.uk/
Men’s Advice Line 0808 8010327 | respect.org.uk/pages/men-s-advice-line
Galop National Anti-Abuse Charity for LGBT+ people 0800 999 5428 | galop.org.uk/helpline
About the authors
Dr Arabella Ashfield PhD – Executive coach and director of Ascending Motherhood
Ascending Motherhood provides back-to-work coaching for returners and corporate services around parental and staff well-being including return-to-work manager training to help businesses support their staff on the parent journey. https://www.ascendingmotherhood.com/
Ashleigh Hitter – Hestia’s Everyone’s Business Team Trainer
The Everyone’s Business team provides support to organisations looking to develop or strengthen their internal response to domestic abuse and sexual violence in the workplace. We offer workplace reviews, training, policy creation and reviews, consultancy and commission Independent Domestic Violence Advocates (IDVAs) and Independent Sexual Violence Advocates (ISVAs). hestia.org/everyones-business